I almost kill 'him'

have not been in a good relationship with him..i always argue with him since young..the hatred that accumilate in my heart is more than i had expected..on that night, he wanted to beat me..i was really angry..i went to the kitchen i took up the knife and i wanted to kill him..he ran into the room and hid..i shouted outside the door..i call him to come out..why scare of me is it..i kick the door..i said come out take the knife kill me..so i won't have to suffer..he call my mum i told my mum..i don have such brother like him..i swear i won't call him again..i SWEAR..

[ that was 3 days ago]

today..quite fine..the art student had to go for some kind of excursion..we have our lesson till 4 and off we go..today was a tire and restless day..tomorrow got 2.4 km run..will i make it?? i doubt so..